Paris Je T'aime

I've never learned french but I had to know the meaning when I heard this lovely song at the end of one of my favorite movies- Paris Je T'aime. The song is sung by Feist, and apparently she has a cute american accent, but it sounds spot on French to me..

Here's the meaning. What a great song

what IS
this bond between us,
that indefinable thing?
Where are those destinies that take shape
and make us inseparable?

we go forward
through/over time
at the behest of the wind...and so...

we live from day to day
our desires, our loves
we go without knowing
we are always
in the same story

what IS
this which separates us,
that brings us together by accident?
why so many goings, so many departures
in this infinite circle?

we go forward
through/over time
at the behest of the wind...and so...

we live from day to day
our desires, our loves
we go without knowing
we are always
in the same story
the same story...

Modern/Love, a film short

This is a wonderfully done 10 minute short film about modern love. It's set in the W Doha in Qatar. Even if you feel nothing for the characters, the scenes of the city, and the beach are beautiful.



"That is how we both fell in love through electronic love letters, like boys and girls from a time when written word was everything."

Am I screwed if this is what I think internet dating should be like?


Remember Robert Schwartzman from the Virgin Diaries, also known as the lead singer of Rooney, the band that was the OC soundtrack. sh.. sh... shakin.. shakin up. I'm going to wipe the dust of that CD. I have a crush on him.

Congrats!

Here's some inspiration to look at your days differently and make an impact in everything that you do...I think I have a girl crush on Sarah Kay

“We have this idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn't like that. It's a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases. Sometimes, it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month or a year. So don't fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable. But don't be surprised when it leaves either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it.” 

- Neil Strauss

"any unraveled yarn will still retain the original bends and loops”

sum of all the people we have ever met

We are the sum of all the people we have ever met.

There's no doubt this is true, although there are some people that I wish I have never met. The ones where you knew deep down that they did not deserve your time, but you remained hopeful anyway. The ones you want to quickly forget but you know will only linger in the back of your mind the next time you meet someone else. The failed ones that make you more cynical than you were to start with.

Each failed relationship is a tragedy of its own, but the ability to look back on a relationship and reflect fondly on how someone could shape your life and values is very telling. Not all the people we've met are worth remembering.

Getting over someone is a lot like unravelling a sweater. (Stay with me on this corny analogy. I blame skinny girl for inspiring this train of thought) How tightly knit it is will determine how easy it is to unravel. The relationships that hold little meaning will unravel with a simple tug, and the yarn will quickly straighten itself out to point where you never knew that it was ever part of anything. But, if the relationship was very tightly knit, and their lives were so intertwined that they wouldn't be as kind, good, brave, (and any other positive trait) as they are now without the other's influence, any unravelled yarn will still retain the original bends and loops. Don't take my word on this, as I'm no knitting genius, but it's probably easier to knit the sweater back together with the memory of those knitting patterns within the yarn itself.

come on, skinny love

"Come on skinny love, what happened here?"

The lyrics of Bon Iver's Skinny Love strike a chord that resonates in all relationships -- that fail. Of course, when you’re in your late twenties where some of your closer friends have found “the one” and you’re attending more weddings than late nights out, you start to wonder, What happened here??

There are several interpretations to the song but I agree more with the interpretation that the “skinny love” is something that must be developed. “Skinny” describes new kind of love at the beginning of a new relationship. Not the butterflies-in-your-stomach-kind-of -love but the type of love you must find & form when you get into your Nth fight, long after the “honeymoon" stage has passed and logistics of co-existing in a relationship surface. It's a love that needs to be nourished. Without nourishment, skinny love doesn't stand a chance.

Sometimes it’s hard to get past that “skinny” stage. She’ll accuse him of all their problems, as she’ll “be holding all the tickets”. And he’ll be “owing all of the fines”. If you can’t get past skinny, then he writes ”pour a little salt, we were never here”. He urges her to “cut all the ropes” and to let him fall.

Not to be overly cynical in a happy blog - I find the most powerful lines of the lyrics to be the chorus because it offers up hope. And hope is powerful in our always evolving concept of how love is defined as we get older in relationships.

"and I told you to be patient
and I told you to be fine
and I told you to be balanced
and I told you to be kind"

Someone once told me; “we are the sum of all the people we have ever met”. With any relationship, you learn a lot about yourself and you always walk away with something.




There are several covers of Bon Iver's Skinny Love on Youtube but I really like Bella Ferraro's raw and nervous 1st audition (check the microphone shake @2:40).

the one who makes life come to life

After trying on my bridesmaid's dress today, I decided to search online for hair and accessory ideas. Naturally I stumble onto weddingbee.com which is a bridezilla's resource for all sorts of wedding ideas, and surprisingly, I came across some great quotes from someone who's planning to write their own wedding vows. Just thought I would share since we all enjoy sappiness...

From The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

From The Irrational Season, By Madeline L’Engle

But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take…It is indeed a fearful gamble…Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature. To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take…If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation…It takes a lifetime to learn another person…When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.

And from Now we are Six by A.A. Milne

A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life. 

Life Lessons from a fable

As children, we are remarkably aware. We absorb and process information at a speed that we’ll never again come close to achieving. New sights, new sounds, new smells, new people, new emotions, new experiences: we are learning about our world and its possibilities. Everything is new, everything is exciting, everything engenders curiosity. And because of the inherent newness of our surroundings, we are exquisitely alert; we are absorbed; we take it all in. Who knows when it might come in handy?

But as we grow older, the blasé factor increases exponentially. Been there, done that, don’t need to pay attention to this, and when in the world will I ever need to know or use that. Before we know it, we have shed that innate attentiveness, engagement, and curiosity for a host of passive, mindless habits. And even when we want to engage, we no longer have that childhood luxury. Gone are the days where our main job was to learn, to absorb, to interact; we now have other, more pressing (or so we think) responsibilities to attend to and demands on our minds to address. And as the demands on our attention increase—an all too real concern as the pressures of multitasking grow in the increasingly 24/7 digital age—so, too, does our actual attention decrease. As it does so, we become less and less able to know or notice our own thought habits, and more and more allow our minds to dictate our judgments and decisions, instead of the other way around.

From a great article on one of my fave books- Le Petit Prince
http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/literally-psyched/2012/03/18/the-big-lesson-of-a-little-prince-recapture-the-creativity-of-childhood/

Re-post (From my 23 year old self)

Three Levels of Conscious Reflection

“Every man participating in a culture has three levels of conscious reflection: his specific ideas about things, his general beliefs or convictions, and his metaphysical dream of the world.” -- Richard M. Weaver, Ideas Have Consequences 18 (University of Chicago Press, 1984).

“The first of these are the thoughts he employs in the activity of daily living; they direct his disposition of immediate matters and, so, constitute his worldliness. One can exist on this level alone for limited periods, though pure worldliness must eventually bring disharmony and conflict.

“Above this lies his body or beliefs, some of which may be heritages simply, but others of which he will have acquired in the ordinary course of his reflection. Even the simplest souls define a few rudimentary conceptions about the world, which they repeatedly apply as choices present themselves. These, too, however, rest on something more general.

“Surmounting all is an intuitive feeling about the imminent nature of reality, and this is the sanction to which both ideas and beliefs are ultimately referred for verification. Without the metaphysical dream it is impossible to think of men living together harmoniously over an extent of time. The dream carries with it an evaluation, which is the bond of spiritual community.”

My Specific Ideas About Things
Always eat breakfast. Make New Year's resolutions and follow through. Use post-its to organize everything. Only write in pencil (so you can erase). Respect your parents. Stop picking on your sister. Appreciate film. Eat well. Go places. Hang around those who challenge you. Continuously monitor your weaknesses. Put yourself in uncomfortable positions to test your strengths. Max out your 401-K and IRA. Keep learning. There is no such thing as enough shoes.
My General Beliefs or Convictions
Do good and good things will come to you.
Never stick with your first impressions of people.
Reality is relative.

My Metaphysical Dream of the World

This is it. Right here. Right now. There's no worrying about pre/post lives or other worldly things. All you have is time. You can't carry over or borrow it. Strictly use it or lose it.  So use it. And suffer the consequences. And reap the benefits. Just take it all in stride.

*What I can't believe is that I still hold myself to these very things five years later.

Real

http://sylviethecamera.smugmug.com/

“Our reflections rolled and flickered over the flawed old glass of the four long windows, with all the loveliness of Christmas past and for a moment it was as though everything had already happened.  We had loved and died and left no trace.  And what it wanted, what the whole world wanted, was to be made real.”

--Anne Enright, THE FORGOTTEN WALTZ

Run Team Kina

truly an amazing person. nominated for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Woman Of The Year and deservingly so. after raising money through her virtual benefit concert (video above), Kina set another lofty goal of raising $50,000 for a cancer research grant. too ambitious? her group of dedicated runners of RunTeamKina raised $71,886. 

the money she raised will go a long way for any lab needing funds. pilot projects are ideas that just need to get off the ground. once they have enough substantial research, the little idea can grow into a potential new way of looking at the scientific puzzle where interested investigators can fund a larger scale project. 

i was lucky enough to see her perform in NY recently and meet her backstage. she’s back from a world tour and her music is refreshingly original. her lyrics are relatable and you can’t help but imagine the path in life she’s been through. when here mother was Sick in the hospital, her lyrics resonated through to family members sleeping in waiting rooms waiting for love ones;  “somehow my love might make it go”. 

On Running

"As I've gotten older, I've gradually come to the realization that this kind of pain and hurt is a necessary part of life... Emotional hurt is the price a person has to pay in order to be independent. 
That's what I basically believe, and I've lived my life accordingly. In certain areas of my life, I actively seek out solitude. Sometimes, however, this sense of isolation, like acid spilling out of a bottle, can unconsciously eat away at a person's heart and dissolve it... I think in my own way I'm aware of this danger- probably through experience - and that's why I've had to constantly keep my body in motion, in some cases pushing myself to the limit, in order to heal the loneliness I feel inside and to put it in perspective. Not so much as an intentional act, but as an instinctive reaction. Let me be more specific. 
When I'm criticized unjustly, or when someone I'm sure will understand me doesn't, I go running for a little longer than usual. By running longer, it's like I can physically exhaust that portion of my discontent. It also makes me realize again how weak I am, how limited my abilities are... And one of the results of running a little farther than usual is that I become that much stronger. If I'm angry, I direct that anger toward myself. If I have a frustrating experience, I use that to improve myself. That's the way I've always lived. I quietly absorb the things I'm able to, releasing them later, and in as changed a form as possible, as part of the story line in a novel." 

Haruki Murakami- "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running"

With so many running analogies out there, I think running more may lead me to more epiphanies. Time to run!

I'm Awake!

Between the recent heat wave and the early morning chirpings from the cheerful birds who live outside my window, sleep has become more hazy, leaving me in that in-between zone of half-awake and half-asleep.  And so, this morning, when I finally decided to open my eyes for good, it was a bit of a shock to find a spider five inches from my face.  Needless to say, my reaction is the same as this first clip.  

Mister Rogers Knows Best

1. Even Koko the Gorilla Loved Him

Most people have heard of Koko, the Stanford-educated gorilla who could speak about 1000 words in American Sign Language, and understand about 2000 in English. What most people don’t know, however, is that Koko was an avid Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood fan. As Esquire reported, when Fred Rogers took a trip out to meet Koko for his show, not only did she immediately wrap her arms around him and embrace him, she did what she’d always seen him do onscreen: she proceeded to take his shoes off!

2. He Made Thieves Think Twice

According to a TV Guide profile, Fred Rogers drove a plain old Impala for years. One day, however, the car was stolen from the street near the TV station. When Rogers filed a police report, the story was picked up by every newspaper, radio and media outlet around town. Amazingly, within 48 hours the car was left in the exact spot where it was taken from, with an apology on the dashboard. It read, “If we’d known it was yours, we never would have taken it.”

3. He Watched His Figure to the Pound

In covering Rogers’ daily routine (waking up at 5; praying for a few hours for all of his friends and family; studying; writing, making calls and reaching out to every fan who took the time to write him; going for a morning swim; getting on a scale; then really starting his day), writer Tom Junod explained that Mr. Rogers weighed in at exactly 143 pounds every day for the last 30 years of his life. He didn’t smoke, didn’t drink, didn’t eat the flesh of any animals, and was extremely disciplined in his daily routine. And while I’m not sure if any of that was because he’d mostly grown up a chubby, single child, Junod points out that Rogers found beauty in the number 143. According to the piece, Rogers came “to see that number as a gift… because, as he says, “the number 143 means ‘I love you.’ It takes one letter to say ‘I’ and four letters to say ‘love’ and three letters to say ‘you.’ One hundred and forty-three.”

4. He Saved Both Public Television and the VCR

Strange but true. When the government wanted to cut Public Television funds in 1969, the relatively unknown Mister Rogers went to Washington. Almost straight out of a Capra film, his testimony on how TV had the potential to give kids hope and create more productive citizens was so simple but passionate that even the most gruff politicians were charmed. While the budget should have been cut, the funding instead jumped from $9 to $22 million. Rogers also swayed the Supreme Court to allow VCRs to record television shows from the home. It was a cantankerous debate at the time, but his argument was that recording a program like his allowed working parents to sit down with their children and watch shows as a family.

5. He Might Have Been the Most Tolerant American Ever

Mister Rogers seems to have been almost exactly the same off-screen as he was onscreen. As an ordained Presbyterian minister, and a man of tremendous faith, Mister Rogers preached tolerance first. Whenever he was asked to castigate non-Christians or gays for their differing beliefs, he would instead face them and say, with sincerity, “God loves you just the way you are.” Often this provoked ire from fundamentalists.

6. He Was Genuinely Curious About Others

Mister Rogers was known as one of the toughest interviews because he’d often befriend reporters, asking them tons of questions, taking pictures of them, compiling an album for them at the end of their time together, and calling them after to check in on them and hear about their families. He wasn’t concerned with himself, and genuinely loved hearing the life stories of others. Amazingly, it wasn’t just with reporters. Once, on a fancy trip up to a PBS exec’s house, he heard the limo driver was going to wait outside for 2 hours, so he insisted the driver come in and join them (which flustered the host). On the way back, Rogers sat up front, and when he learned that they were passing the driver’s home on the way, he asked if they could stop in to meet his family. According to the driver, it was one of the best nights of his life—the house supposedly lit up when Rogers arrived, and he played jazz piano and bantered with them late into the night. Further, like with the reporters, Rogers sent him notes and kept in touch with the driver for the rest of his life.

7. He Was Color-blind

Literally. He couldn’t see the color blue. Of course, he was also figuratively color-blind, as you probably guessed. As were his parents who took in a black foster child when Rogers was growing up.

8. He Could Make a Subway Car full of Strangers Sing

Once while rushing to a New York meeting, there were no cabs available, so Rogers and one of his colleagues hopped on the subway. Esquire reported that the car was filled with people, and they assumed they wouldn’t be noticed. But when the crowd spotted Rogers, they all simultaneously burst into song, chanting “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.” The result made Rogers smile wide.

A few more things about him…

9. He Got into TV Because He Hated TV. The first time he turned one on, he saw people angrily throwing pies in each other’s faces. He immediately vowed to use the medium for better than that. Over the years he covered topics as varied as why kids shouldn’t be scared of a haircut, or the bathroom drain (because you won’t fit!), to divorce and war.

10. He Was an Ivy League Dropout. Rogers moved from Dartmouth to Rollins College to pursue his studies in music.

11. He Composed all the Songs on the Show, and over 200 tunes.

12. He Was a perfectionist, and Disliked Ad Libbing. He felt he owed it to children to make sure every word on his show was thought out.

13. Michael Keaton Got His Start on the Show as an assistant — helping puppeteer and operate the trolley.

14. Several Characters on the Show are Named for His Family. Queen Sara is named after Rogers’ wife, and the postman Mr. McFeely is named for his maternal grandfather who always talked to him like an adult, and reminded young Fred that he made every day special just by being himself. Sound familiar? It was the same way Mister Rogers closed every show.

15. The Sweaters. Every one of the cardigans he wore on the show had been hand-knit by his mother.

Source: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/5943

Also, I would like to add one of my own:

16. He was a guest star on "Arthur." Which is arguably one of the other best children's television shows.  Nuff said.

beyond wealth

"Be like the jutting rock against which waves are constantly crashing, and all around it the frothing foam then settles back down. Say not "Oh, I am so unfortunate that this has happened to me." But rather "How fortunate I am that, even though this has happened to me, I continue uninjured, neither terrified by the present nor in fear of future."

-Beyond Wealth, Alexander Green

I was reminded by this picture to appreciate the intangible things in life. After wrapping up a weekend filled with old friends, new friends, and family, I wanted to express my sincerest gratitude for having these inspirational people in my life. Every experience and relationship,whether pleasant or not, has shaped the person I am today. Even books, as observed in a recent post "we are what we read?", have a profound effect on our thinking, which unconsciously translates to into our behavior.  My current read, Beyond Wealth, has had a life-changing effect on my perspective of, well, life. In it are 65 essays written by a former financial advisor, Alexander Green, who discusses a new kind of wealth, not in material, but spiritual terms. His insight is born from the work of great philosophers, thinkers, scientists, writers, and artists (Aristotle, Marcus Aurelius, Buddha, Shakespeare, Thoreau, Emerson, Gandhi, Einstein, and Tolstoy to name a few).

And so, little by little for the past month, each story has fostered my inner wisdom (using wisdom may be giving myself too much credit) in ways I didn't expect it would. Our world is governed by false values today - too many of us are chasing money, fame, status, and possessions. When and if we attain these goals, we would likely feel empty and hunger for more. As Green puts it "a successful life is not about the grim determination to get or have more. Nor is it about low cholesterol levels or intellectual brilliance or career accomplishments. It's about human connections: parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends, neighbors, and mentors." And that, is the only thing that really matters.

Little by little one walks far

“In everything you do in your life keep in mind the miracle of the Chinese bamboo tree. After the seed for this amazing tree is planted, you see nothing, absolutely nothing, for four years except for a tiny shoot coming out of a bulb. During those four years, all the growth is underground in a massive, fibrous root structure that spreads deep and wide in the earth. But then in the the fifth year the Chinese bamboo tree grows up to eighty feet!” Stephen Covey

A couple years ago I remember reading this as I was sitting in my supervisors office as an intern. Three years later, I am thinking about the analogy and it could not have more meaning in my life. Sometimes it feels like I am putting so much time and energy into aspects of my life where I see little to no change. This makes me feel very disheartened, frustrated, and impatient/angry with life. I find myself getting caught up in the moment and begin to feel sorry for myself and angry that things do not seem as easy for me as they do for others. However, what motivates me is the thought that if I keep at it and use the difficult times to build a strong foundation for myself, when things become easier (as they eventually always do) I will have learned some important lessons to help me keep growing as a person.

Reading this analogy re-affirms this thought for me. It is easier to think "this is a waste of time" or "I am not getting anywhere" and to give up. But the challenge is to remain steadfast and strong even when you are not seeing results. It is similar to exercising. You can work out everyday and not see an ounce of difference in your body. But Keep working out consistently for a month, two months, etc. and you will begin to see a big change. Sometimes it may feel as if my everyday efforts are not getting me anywhere, but if I keep at it, one day I will look back and realize I am where I am because of my consistent devotion to working hard and improving myself. And when that time comes my foundation will be strong enough to support and handle my next endeavor.

Run your own Race

My old cross country coach had some great advice for the longer distance races.  He told me not to worry about being in that lead pack, not to worry about the spilt times and not to panic when the pace was too fast or too slow. Stay focused at the task at hand and have faith in your training; he would repeat over to me minutes before the gun went off - Run your own race.

This photo exemplifies that idea perfectly. It was published in the Boston Marathon newsletter a few months ago. At the 15k mark, Desi Davila is over 30 meters behind the lead pack running all on her own. Tactics and strategy say it’s best to run in a pack and to stay in contact with leaders in order to cover any moves a competitor may make to break away. 

But running her own race and not getting caught up in the lead pack paid off tremendously. In the end she caught all but one of that pack as each runner faltered. She missed the leader by only two seconds and broke the American Record on a very tough Boston course. She focused on her race, followed her gut, and the result was amazing.

This concept is applicable in life as well.  I have a lot of friends following their own career paths, getting married, settling down, and that … freaks me out sometimes because I’m not even close to getting to that point any time soon. That’s fine though; it’s their life, it’s their journey and sometimes the worst thing you can do is push yourself into someone else’s race.

Run your own race and wonderful things will happen.

Peace

“Peace, he knows, can be shattered in a million variations:  great visions of the end, a rain of ash, a disease on the wind, a blast in the distance, the sun dying like a kerosene lamp clicked off.  And in smaller ways:  an overheard remark, his daughter’s sour mood, his own body faltering.  There’s no use in anticipating the mode.  He will wait for the hushed spaces in life, for Ellis’s snore in the dark, for Grete’s stealth kiss, for the warm light inside the gallery, his images on the wall broken beyond beauty into blisters and fragments, returning in the eye to beauty again.  The voices of women at night on the street, laughing; he has always loved the voices of women.  Pay attention, he thinks.  Not to the grand gesture, but to the passing breath. [...]  In this moment that blooms and fades as it passes, he is enough, and all is well in the world.”

--Lauren Groff’s ARCADIA


Photo taken by sylviathecamera.smugmug.com

What it is I do

For most of my adult life, my job has been to criticize the work of men old enough to be my father, and not to hurt their feelings in the process. It's a tough job but somebody has to do it. I used to second guess my abilities, my conscience, the depth of my knowledge, but I've come to realize that experience does not necessarily equate to wisdom. Sometimes, we have the purest heart and conscience when we haven't had the real world experience to contaminate it.

Let's be honest- there are very few men that would idly take criticism from a inexperienced, immature 22 year old tiny girl. I have learned to keep my calm around temper tantrums from grown men trying to aggressively make their quarterly financial results more favorable. Stomping their feet and frantically gesturing no longer intimidate me. But fresh out of college, I was a tad over-zealous, over-confident, and too used to being a big fish in a little pond. I had a reputation for being direct, saying what was on my mind, open to sharp criticism as long as it was valid. For me, I have never been defensive, and it was surprising to me that the clients that I dealt with at work were exactly that- critical of change, stubborn, and unyielding. I used to dish out criticism without any appreciation or regard for the work that they put into their jobs... because I never considered it (my EQ was very low). All I did was take the checklist of steps that I needed to complete, march into their offices, and more or less demand an explanation or documentation. Sometimes, I had no idea what I meant by the questions that I asked. It was a very difficult and unsettling period in my career. I would curse under my breath when they would complain about my incompetency to my supervisors. (If I were in their positions, I probably would have complained as well. I was really lost sometimes. haha)

In hindsight, I'm surprised by how much I've learned about dealing with people from these stubborn old jackasses that I worked with. I remember walking several times into a controller's office, and asking for evidence that he completed controls by checking the box on some checklist, only to be met with yelling and a response only a jerk would give: "DO I HAVE TO DOCUMENT EVERY TIME I PISS?!!" I stared at him with a straight face, and calmly said "No sir, you're missing the point. Just because you talk louder doesn't mean I'll stop asking for documentation." Naturally, I left and proceeded to cry in the bathroom. I used to wonder if every entry level job involved a good cry (multiple cries- I've cried once in every single office that I've worked in during the first 5 years, which in my profession is like 12. Consultants/ auditors are nomads). It was especially tough since I would be arguing with these men twice my age on their turf, in their offices, with the doors shut, and I would return to a stuffy, overloaded conference room with six colleagues and no privacy.

Through tough experiences and thicker skin, I've become a more well rounded person. What I've learned in terms of the major lessons in criticizing people gracefully and without backlash is as follows:

3. Rephrase your requests. Don't sound like a broken record.- Nagging about the same thing over and over again is annoying. Offer examples and alternatives for what you're looking for (much easier once you're more experienced and understand the point of your own requests). (This is good advice for dealing with significant others/ parents as well.)

2. Smile- It's difficult to yell at someone who's cute and smiley. One of the perks of being a girl.

1. Most importantly- Be humble even when you know you're right. Instead of outright criticism, phrase things as a question when you know very well they missed a critical step. "How did you get comfortable with..." "Please help me understand your approach." Say things like - "I see where you're coming from- but." Most of the time, people just want to feel understood, so give them a chance to respond. Then point by point, break it down for them, so that eventually you've proved them wrong in such a calm demeanor, and maybe- just maybe- they were actually listening.

Go home, and realize- I have done my part to change the world today. Rinse. Repeat.

*Disclaimer: I refer to men with disgust in this post. To be fair, it's 90% men that I deal with, and 10% women with lots and lots of testosterone.

We Are What We Read?

We've all heard that we are what we eat, but have you seen this new article in The Atlantic that we're also what we read?  Geoff Kaufman and Lisa Libby's research has shown that reading and identifying with a fictional character can lead to us subconsciously adopt their behavior as well.  Which has me worried, since I spend most of my time indulging in kids books--preferably ones that feature strong, female protagonists.  Of course I'm drawn to these types of characters because I am admittedly more of a clumsy Bella than a fierce Katniss, but I'm hoping that this means that re-reading THE HUNGER GAMES trilogy will grant me some of Ms. Everdeen's toughness.  The only problem is that I've been poring over those books since 2008 and I haven't seen any changes yet...

25 Handy Words That Simply Don’t Exist In English

ALEX WAIN

Approximately 375 million people speak English as their first language, in fact it’s the 3rd most commonly spoken language in the world (after Mandarin Chinese and Spanish). Interestingly enough it’s the number 1 second language used worldwide – which is why the total number of people who speak English, outnumber those of any other.

But whilst it’s the most widely spoken language, there’s still a few areas it falls down on (strange and bizarre punctuation rules aside). We look at 25 words that simply don’t exist in the English langauge (and yet after reading this list, you’ll wish they did!)

1 Age-otori (Japanese): To look worse after a haircut

2 Arigata-meiwaku (Japanese): An act someone does for you that you didn’t want to have them do and tried to avoid having them do, but they went ahead anyway, determined to do you a favor, and then things went wrong and caused you a lot of trouble, yet in the end social conventions required you to express gratitude

3 Backpfeifengesicht (German): A face badly in need of a fist

4 Bakku-shan (Japanese): A beautiful girl… as long as she’s being viewed from behind

5 Desenrascanco (Portuguese): “to disentangle” yourself out of a bad situation (To MacGyver it)

6 Duende (Spanish): a climactic show of spirit in a performance or work of art, which might be fulfilled in flamenco dancing, or bull-fighting, etc.

7 Forelsket (Norwegian): The euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love

8 Gigil (pronounced Gheegle; Filipino): The urge to pinch or squeeze something that is unbearably cute

9 Guanxi (Mandarin): in traditional Chinese society, you would build up good guanxi by giving gifts to people, taking them to dinner, or doing them a favor, but you can also use up your gianxi by asking for a favor to be repaid

10 Ilunga (Tshiluba, Congo): A person who is ready to forgive any abuse for the first time, to tolerate it a second time, but never a third time

11 L’esprit de l’escalier (French): usually translated as “staircase wit,” is the act of thinking of a clever comeback when it is too late to deliver it

12 Litost (Czech): a state of torment created by the sudden sight of one’s own misery

13 Mamihlapinatapai (Yaghan): A look between two people that suggests an unspoken, shared desire

14 Manja (Malay): “to pamper”, it describes gooey, childlike and coquettish behavior by women designed to elicit sympathy or pampering by men. “His girlfriend is a damn manja. Hearing her speak can cause diabetes.”

15 Meraki (pronounced may-rah-kee; Greek): Doing something with soul, creativity, or love. It’s when you put something of yourself into what you’re doing

16 Nunchi (Korean): the subtle art of listening and gauging another’s mood. In Western culture, nunchi could be described as the concept of emotional intelligence. Knowing what to say or do, or what not to say or do, in a given situation. A socially clumsy person can be described as ‘nunchi eoptta’, meaning “absent of nunchi”

17 Pena ajena (Mexican Spanish): The embarrassment you feel watching someone else’s humiliation

18 Pochemuchka (Russian): a person who asks a lot of questions

19 Schadenfreude (German): the pleasure derived from someone else’s pain

20 Sgriob (Gaelic): The itchiness that overcomes the upper lip just before taking a sip of whisky

21 Taarradhin (Arabic): implies a happy solution for everyone, or “I win. You win.” It’s a way of reconciling without anyone losing face. Arabic has no word for “compromise,” in the sense of reaching an arrangement via struggle and disagreement

22 Tatemae and Honne (Japanese): What you pretend to believe and what you actually believe, respectively

23 Tingo (Pascuense language of Easter Island): to borrow objects one by one from a neighbor’s house until there is nothing left

24 Waldeinsamkeit (German): The feeling of being alone in the woods

25 Yoko meshi (Japanese): literally ‘a meal eaten sideways,’ referring to the peculiar stress induced by speaking a foreign language

About the author: Alex Wain

Blogger & pop culture addict, lover of good web design & photography, writer for So Bad So Good and Nothing Cooler, gin & tonic drinker, dedicated Arsenal & Sydney FC supporter, wannabe Pug owner.

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Just do it

Last night I had a dream that I went for the most amazing and satisfying run. I woke up this morning feeling eager, excited and motivated. Unfortunately, mother nature was not in sync with my motivation. On my hour drive home I started to feel sleepy and almost convinced myself a nap was a much better idea than exercise. Thankfully, I listened to my gut instinct and did a work-out session via a Jillian Michael's DVD that I own. I feel so happy right now because I did not let the rain or my mind stop me from doing something healthy and good for my body. This is the first time in a long time that I could honestly say I enjoyed the whole work-out. I put my mind to it and stayed focused on the good that I was doing for my body. It felt great to use my muscles and to focus on something positive rather than on my everyday to-do lists or stressors. I treated myself with a nice long shower after my work-out and a healthy home- cooked meal to boot. I now feel ohhh so relaxed and sleepy and I am ready for a restful night's sleep. I guess the point of this post is that sometimes we don't do things that we know we should because we come up with a billion and one excuses for why it can't be done. But sometimes when you ignore that feeling and do it anyway, you feel more peaceful and happy with yourself. It also feels nice to take a minute in the craziness of life to do something good for your body and to remember why you are doing it and fully enjoy the process. If it's gotta be done, might as well learn to love it, right? :) Here's hoping I have another dream that will motivate my actions in a positive way for tomorrow..... goodnight all! :)

Love as a shopping experience

Partly, a model of shopping has overtaken our experience of romance. Love, historically, has been associated with a sensation of destiny. It’s very difficult for us to attain a sensation of destiny where love is concerned anymore, because we think we can always look for something better, which is essentially a shopper’s mentality. There’s no destiny when it comes to buying pants or shirts or a dress. There’ll be the nicest thing you can afford this season. But then a new season will [bring] more attractive styles and you’ll actually be able to afford something better. I think that tremendous passion that we feel other generations had and that we missed was attached to a sense of destiny, and of permanent love that would survive changes in station and opportunity and fortune.
… Raw desire is soon formed and soon spent. It is not what sonnets or the romantic comedies of the ’30s want me to desire. They want us to desire that our souls should be paired with someone else’s. And I think the phases of people’s lives feel too disposable for that to be something easily settled upon now.

From NY Times:
http://douthat.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/05/02/daughters-of-the-revolution/

Shh...it's a surprise

Today my friend was running around the office frantically tying up last-minute details for our co-worker’s surprise bridal shower this afternoon—which involved a lot of secret meetings with their boss to sign off on the beautiful Edible Arrangements basket and sneaking into their supervisor’s office to hang up streamers.  

After darting out at lunch to pick up a present from Jonathan Adler, she was corralled by the bride-to-be, who was naturally concerned by all the hush-hush conversations bubbling up around her cubicle.  The harried party planner collapsed in a chair and quickly came up with a story to allay the bride’s suspicions:  she had been away from her desk all day because their boss and supervisor were thinking about firing her!

When their supervisor sternly called both girls into her office the poor bride-to-be was quaking.  Oh, was she surprised when everyone jumped out screaming “Congratulations!”  

Everyone was in stitches after the party planner came clean about her little lie.  Even the bride was chuckling about spending the afternoon consoling her potentially-unemployed friend.

I love when the guests of honor piece together all the little diversion tactics and distractions that the party planners throw at them.  What have you done to keep a surprise party a surprise?

Style Is

There’s this Gore Vidal idea, that “style is knowing who you are and what you want to say and not giving a damn.”

But what I’ve been finding is that while I have a grasp of the last two tenets, the first one is still throwing me for a loop.   Which is not to say that I’ve learned nothing about who I am.  I’m proud to say that by now I know that:

1. No, drop waist dresses will not be flattering on me no matter how I contort myself in front of the mirror.  Same thing with those drawstring waist dresses.  I’m waiting with bated breath for both of those two to go out of style so that I can find clothes that fit me again.
2. I will never be able to look like the girls in the Dior Addict lipstick ads because the nice girl at Sephora once spent an afternoon patiently applying every shade of lipstick to my mouth, but apparently my lips are just naturally darker than the girls that Dior picks to wear bright, pretty pink lipsticks.
3. Regardless of what pictures I show my hairstylist, I will not emerge from the salon looking like Blake Lively or Michelle Williams.  It’s comforting to know that my hairstylist knows what works for me, and will kindly listen to me babble about blunt bangs, but then go ahead and snip my hair into a shape that will save me from looking like the Sphinx.

These are all minor things.  More recently I came closer to realizing that although I will post just about every Garance Dore and The Sartorialist photo onto a Pinterest board, I will not be stopped by either of them on the street any time soon—especially not because the unbelievable happened today:  I went out today and actually purchased a pair of Dansko clogs.  This expedition into the comfy shoe store was preceded by a strange recurring pain in my foot where I lose the ability to bend it after tromping about for too long in less practical shoes.  Usually I give in slowly to the pain—switching to boots with Nike-approved inserts, then swamping them out for a pair of Converses with inserts, and then—as a last resort—spending a day or two in my gym sneakers.  Quelle horreur.  

But today, as I gingerly trotted through Washington Square Park in my gleaming white running sneakers, I thought that enough was enough.  I am going to accept who I am, and what I am is apparently a pair of unhappy and rebelling feet.  And so at lunch I hoofed over to the odd comfy shoe store hidden between Italian shoe boutiques and owned up to needing a pair of Danskos.  And, reader, my feet are in loooooove.  Who knew?

Although I seem to be in need of Dansko clogs, I’m okay with it.  Just like I was hesitant to buy that first Longchamp bag last fall when my shoulder stopped working because of years of heavy leather bags.  (Now my shoulder is on speaking terms with me again.  But it is threatening to boycott if I load any more things into my bag.)  And like when I, very reluctantly, plunked down my credit card before that for a pair of Birkenstocks (No, this was after they came out with more girly designs.  I swear.) when my high heels rubbed me the wrong way.  At the rate I’m going, I will look like a Paragon Sports ad before I hit my 30s.  But, I tell myself, at least my body won’t hate me yet.  Who knows?  If I start wearing Danskos now, maybe I’ll be able to wear Louboutins when I’m in a nursing home.  

Gratitude

                                               Happy Monday Everyone!! :)

How are you celebrating Mother's Day?

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