Partly, a model of shopping has overtaken our experience of romance. Love, historically, has been associated with a sensation of destiny. It’s very difficult for us to attain a sensation of destiny where love is concerned anymore, because we think we can always look for something better, which is essentially a shopper’s mentality. There’s no destiny when it comes to buying pants or shirts or a dress. There’ll be the nicest thing you can afford this season. But then a new season will [bring] more attractive styles and you’ll actually be able to afford something better. I think that tremendous passion that we feel other generations had and that we missed was attached to a sense of destiny, and of permanent love that would survive changes in station and opportunity and fortune.From NY Times:
… Raw desire is soon formed and soon spent. It is not what sonnets or the romantic comedies of the ’30s want me to desire. They want us to desire that our souls should be paired with someone else’s. And I think the phases of people’s lives feel too disposable for that to be something easily settled upon now.
http://douthat.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/05/02/daughters-of-the-revolution/
This may sound corny, but I really believe that if you learn to unconditionally love and respect yourself, you will feel at peace and more likely to trust that love will happen when its meant to and unfold the way it is meant to. Obviously, this is something that requires work and dedication. But if your focus is on yourself and how you can improve, you don't have time to cut down or second guess the guys you meet, because you will be too busy working on your own life and the situation will occur more genuinely/naturally.
ReplyDeleteAgain, this sounds a lot easier than it is. It's human nature for us to compare or second-guess ourselves, but like you said, I think it is just a habit/trend we have formed in our generation that makes it harder to connect on an authentic level with others.
DeleteI'm with you on the first comment, although it should never be work to unconditionally love and respect yourself. That has to be a given before any worthy relationship. It's probably much more work, and unnecessary stress to second guess yourself and others!
DeleteI have a tendency to do a lot of research on things I'm interested in but I don't know a lot about. This includes topics of love, sex, gender roles, behavioral economics.. haha. I think these topics just seem easier to tackle when I realize that someone has coherently expressed what I've been thinking all along. With that said, I know that deep down, it might be best (and probably more enjoyable) to let things ride out their course.. rather than dissect every little thing, and over-rationalize.
I hear you on that! I am the queen of rationalizing and trying to find logic and meaning in a given situation. When it comes to love though, I agree that sometimes it is just more fun to let nature run its course. Life makes no sense sometimes, so might as well enjoy the unexpected surprises along the way! :)
ReplyDeleteI came across this today, and though it's not really related to this, it made me think about it:
ReplyDelete‘“Fate’ is a word I do not like very much. It is heavy with significance, things that supposedly are as they are and cannot be changed. I don't agree with this concept. I believe we all know everything that is to be known about our life. It is in us. It is just that we forget about it sometimes, we lose touch with that knowledge, with our gut feeling. So we need a lot of patience and confidence and faith in ourselves, faith that everything we do makes sense and has meaning, even if we don't understand it immediately. I believe we all have our way, our path that comes from within and is not determined from outside or by some higher power. We are not puppets on the string. We are the ones pulling our own strings, even if we do nothing. That's also a decision. We live to learn. So we decide, without knowing we are doing it, whom we love because this person is going to be the best teacher for our lesson, whatever this lesson is. And I am not saying that those lessons are going to be easy. But we chose them. The lessons and the teachers, that will help us grow and become who we are. That is what I believe.”
--Natasa Dragnic, author of EVERY DAY, EVERY HOUR