19 Things To Stop Doing In Your 20s

I was so glad to read this because I can say I'm not alone!! I guess no matter where you are or what you've been through, at a certain age, you wise up to a certain set of universal truths. It's actually quite amazing that we have reached an age where we know what we should do to better ourselves, and if we put our mind to it, we can actually execute it. I no longer feel like I'm paying my dues.. 30 is very empowering.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/19-things-you-should-stop-doing-in-your-20s/

1. Stop placing all the blame on other people for how they interact with you. To an extent, people treat you the way you want to be treated. A lot of social behavior is cause and effect. Take responsibility for (accept) the fact that you are the only constant variable in your equation.

2. Stop being lazy by being constantly “busy.” It’s easy to be busy. It justifies never having enough time to clean, cook for yourself, go out with friends, meet new people. Realize that every time you give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision, not the demands of your job.

3. Stop seeking out distractions. You will always be able to find them.

4. Stop trying to get away with work that’s “good enough.” People notice when “good enough” is how you approach your job. Usually these people will be the same who have the power to promote you, offer you a health insurance plan, and give you more money. They will take your approach into consideration when thinking about you for a raise.

5. Stop allowing yourself to be so comfortable all the time. Coming up with a list of reasons to procrastinate risky, innovative decisions offers more short-term gratification than not procrastinating. But when you stop procrastinating to make a drastic change, your list of reasons to procrastinate becomes a list of ideas about how to better navigate the risk you’re taking.

6. Stop identifying yourself as a cliche and start treating yourself as an individual. Constantly checking your life against a prewritten narrative or story of how things “should” be is a bought-into way of life. It’s sort of like renting your identity. It isn’t you. You are more nuanced than the narrative you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the story that “should” be happening.

7. Stop expecting people to be better than they were in high school — learn how to deal with it instead. Just because you’re out of high school doesn’t mean you’re out of high school. There will always be people in your life who want what you have, are threatened by who you are, and will ridicule you for doing something that threatens how they see their position in the world.

8. Stop being stingy. If you really care about something, spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are saving for something. Either clarify what that thing is or start spending your money on things that are important to you. Spend money on road trips. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on opportunities. Spend money on things you’ll keep.

9. Stop treating errands as burdens. Instead, use them as time to focus on doing one thing, and doing it right. Errands and chores are essentially rote tasks that allow you time to think. They function to get you away from your phone, the internet, and other distractions. Focus and attention span are difficult things to maintain when you’re focused and attentive on X amount of things at any given moment.

10. Stop blaming yourself for being human. You’re fine. Having a little anxiety is fine. Being scared is fine. Your secrets are fine. You’re well-meaning. You’re intelligent. You’re blowing it out of proportion. You’re fine.

11. Stop ignoring the fact that other people have unique perspectives and positions. Start approaching people more thoughtfully. People will appreciate you for deliberately trying to conceive their own perspective and position in the world. It not only creates a basis for empathy and respect, it also primes people to be more open and generous with you.

12. Stop seeking approval so hard. Approach people with the belief that you’re a good person. It’s normal to want the people around you to like you. But it becomes a self-imposed burden when almost all your behavior toward certain people is designed to constantly reassure you of their approval.

13. Stop considering the same things you’ve always done as the only options there are. It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re older is not having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having bought enough $5 lattes, or not having gone out to brunch enough times, or not having spent enough time on the internet. Fear of missing out is a real, toxic thing. You’ve figured out drinking and going out. You’ve experimented enough. You’ve gotten your fill of internet memes. Figure something else out.

14. Stop rejecting the potential to feel pain. Suffering is a universal constant for sentient beings. It is not unnatural to suffer. Being in a constant state of suffering is bad. But it is often hard to appreciate happiness when there’s nothing to compare it to. Rejecting the potential to suffer is unsustainable and unrealistic.

15. Stop approaching adverse situations with anger and frustration. You will always deal with people who want things that seem counter to your interests. There will always be people who threaten to prevent you from getting what you want by trying to get what they want. This is naturally frustrating. Realize that the person you’re dealing with is in the same position as you — by seeking out your own interests, you threaten to thwart theirs. It isn’t personal — you’re both just focused on getting different things that happen to seem mutually exclusive. Approach situations like these with reason. Be calm. Don’t start off mad, it’ll only make things more tense.

16. Stop meeting anger with anger. People will make you mad. Your reaction to this might be to try and make them mad. This is something of a first-order reaction. That is, it isn’t very thoughtful — it may be the first thing you’re inclined to do. Try to suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful. Imagine your response said aloud before you say it. If you don’t have to respond immediately, don’t.

17. Stop agreeing to do things that you know you’ll never actually do. It doesn’t help anyone. To a certain extent, it’s a social norm to be granted a ‘free pass’ when you don’t do something for someone that you said you were going to do. People notice when you don’t follow through, though, especially if it’s above 50% of the time.

18. Stop ‘buying’ things you know you’ll throw away. Invest in friendships that aren’t parasitic. Spend your time on things that aren’t distractions. Put your stock in fleeting opportunity. Focus on the important.

19. Stop being afraid. 

Travel Diary: Costa Rica

In early December, I booked a volun-tourism trip so that I could start 2013 off by making a dent in my new year's resolution: to give more. I had been bit by the travel bug, but what I desired was to experience not just the touristy sites, but to understand people better. It's ironic how I felt the need to travel 4,000 miles to understand people better, especially when I live in a city teeming with people at every corner. True to my expectation though, connecting to people doesn't even require knowing the same language. Connecting does not require a computer, a TV or a facebook like. In seven days, I felt a tremendous warmth and sense of giving towards the families that we ate dinner with, and the volunteers and coordinators I met on my trip.

Thanks to Iris who sent me to Costa Rica with a care package that included a travel journal, these are some of the thoughts I documented on my trip. I wrote some more too, but it's so odd writing thoughts out on paper... It's so slow, and it gets messy to erase, and it's definitely not as fluid. I guess actual literal writing with pen and paper is a certain exercise that takes practice too.

January 18, 2013- Dinner

Frommer's recommended Jalapenos Central in downtown Aljuela for dinner. It was the only place they recommended and I could tell why after strolling the streets. There wasn't much in terms of attractions, and streets were lined with local supermarkets, Mickey D's and a scattering of small restaurants. I should have chose the adventurous route and ventured into some place with an entirely spanish menu but instead I had Tex-Mex fajitas for dinner. The menu was in both english and spanish, and the beef was over-cooked and quite overrated. I'll stick to Lonely planet guidebooks from now on. Another volunteer mentioned how disappointing it was that Frommer's recommended Asian fusion restaurants and sushi in San Jose, when all she wanted was to eat local Costa Rican food.

The strangest thing happened during dinner and the owner said that he'd never seen anything like it in the 10 years that he owned the restaurant.

Seemingly out of no where were two sets of bongo drums, placed between the parked cars in front of the open aired restaurant. Three dread lock, possibly pot smoking, "new-age" (as the owner called them) teenagers started beating on the drums, while one guy started juggling and balancing this glass ball across from one arm, rolled it across his chest and slickly onto the other arm (not sure what such a feat is called). It was quite entertaining and then when the performance was over, the bigger dread locked hair dude passed his cap around the restaurant for tips. Then with a hard cart, they loaded the huge drums in search for their next audience.

The owner says that there's been an influx of the new age hippie kids in town. On the last Wednesday of each month, they show up in Parque Centrale to play bongos and smoke weed. Recently cops were capped to the event and they them to disband, but they pleaded their case to the mayor who let them congregate legally since they didn't technically bother anyone. I think the hippie ski bums in Colorado should summer in Costa Rica (good surf waves too).

January 19, 2013- Breakfast

I went the adventurous route this morning and ventured to Trigo Miel bakery for breakfast. I figured it was easy since I could just point to the pastry I desired and cappuccino is the same in english as in spanish. When the bakery lady asked me if I wanted it "Ahora" and "aqui," naturally I nodded. The other words she spoke outside of that was totally lost of me. She kept talking though so clearly I was missing something. After a series of confused looks, a kind gentleman behind me explained that if I were to eat here, they would serve me and I would pay later. Dang it, my 97 in Regents level Spanish from 15 years ago has been useless in Costa Rica thus far.

While eating my second meal alone, I noticed how conscious I was when the flaky pastry broke into tiny crumbs all over my face and when the steak and onions from my fajita sloppily dropped from my mouth to the place. It's okay to eat alone. I have no issue although I may need a book or I may need to fidget with my i-phone while I wait for my order. The only thing I worry about is having a juicy morsel of food at the side of the mouth and not noticing, and not having anyone I trust around me to give me a heads up. It's okay to eat alone, but when you have food sloppily left on your face, people will make judgments. They may wonder if it's the sloppy eating habits that have scared your dinner companions off. Breakfast: Empareados- Chicken sandwich with lettuce and tomato

January 20, 2013- Villas Alas Azules "Villa of the Blue Wings"

Summing up Costa Rica requires only one word: verdant. I will bet half the photos on my camera and iPhone are of the lush jungle landscape of Orosi Valley. The scenery is beautiful no matter what the weather is like. When the sun is out, the jungles are uniformly golden, when it's grey out, a mist covers over the mountains and the sky seems to be almost within reach, and when it's cloudy, the mountains capture the beautiful contrast of sun and shadows. Each morning, afternoon and night, I feel the need to take photos of the view from the Villas Alas Azules- just to capture all the amazing sights that I've seen from the place I will call home for the next week.


Other than what's above, here's also a more well crafted piece edited by Iris. I wrote it for GlobeAware's volunteer of the month feature. Read it before they take it down April 1!

http://www.globeaware.org/volunteer-month

Public Transportation's Worst Nightmare

The train was running late. Really late. It was also packed. On top of that, the outside temperature wasn’t inching over that freezing mark. As the 1 Train pulled into the 168th Street Station, the collective mood of the passengers was a resounding “blah.”

Then a group came onto the train. They were all in running tights and matching jackets. Something about Mass Transit Racers. Contrasted with the other riders of the train, they were ecstatic.

One of them started yelling like a homeless person asking for money over the whacking and whooshing of the train: “Yo, we’re Mass Transit Racers, y’all! And we’re about to race this train!”

Another acted as his hype man, taking the looks of doubt cast from those seated as challenges to the race, he said, “And we’re gonna beat it too!”

Eyes rolled. Grumpy old men looked to the train cars in front and behind to see if there was any room to get out of this one. The Mass Transit Racers kept on talking—not only to excite the crowd, but to liven up their legs for the fast approaching race.

The train emerged from underground as it pulled into Dyckman. The sun was starting to set, peaking through the apartment buildings of the Inwood neighborhood. Elevated now, the train moved on to 207th Street. “It’s about to be go time!” Mass Transit Racers fidgeted and shook their legs in the sardine can packed train. “Thank God,” the other passengers seemed to think, still not quite sure what these runners were talking about.

The train pulled to 207, the doors swooshed open, and the racers bolted through the turnstiles, down the stairs, and out of sight.

A buzz started to build for those who stayed on the train. There was something going on here. 

Once the train got moving, the Mass Transit Racer Official looked out the window and saw the Racers floating along pavement below: “You can see them!” 

The group shifted and tried to get a view out the window. Some peered around the other passengers, others smushed their faces against the window.

Sure enough, there it was: the group with the jackets was running along against the damn train.

As the train slowed and creaked into the 215th Street Station, the runners were nearing it as well. When the doors shot open the Race Official rushed out and ran down the stairs. A group of high schoolers jumped out as well. They ran up to the ledge and looked down at the sidewalk. A roar erupted as the runners started filing in.

They cheered wildly as Paul Corcoran beat the train and moved his record to three for three. Knox Robinson also easily beat it as Will Guzik tied it to go two for two against the train. 

Patricia Barry became our first woman to defeat the train as she was 7 seconds late, well in front of our 15 second handicap. Barbara “Babs” Powell came in just under the 15 second barrier as well, giving two women wins on the night. 

The group of high schoolers came down for a round of high fives and more yelling.

Five racers beat the train. And one train car was hopefully a little happier because of it.

(Source: www.masstransitracers.com)